Supposed to be...

So right now I am supposed to be writing a paper for my Master's class that is due tomorrow, so I will keep it brief. The move is officially days away, and I can't help but think we are no where near ready. Jared keeps saying we are, but my unpacked apartment says that we are not. And the fact that I am not even doing the things that I NEED to be doing in order to pack, doesn't help. I have the worst case of the "I don't wannas" I have ever had in my life. I have only packed maybe four boxes, and I am already sick of it. I thought moving was going to be fun, but not so much.

That is not to say that I am not terribly excited. In a matter of days I will be in my very own house. While that statement is small, the events that have been happening here at this complex have made me more and more ready to move. I came home yesterday, and on the bulletin board by the mailbox there was a five page list of all the crimes that have been committed in this area in the last couple months. They were mostly burglaries and mischief of that nature, but nothing I would be excited to be around. And more importantly things that I would not want my child around. I am also getting to be seranaded by the most obnoxious little kid I have ever heard, and I am around kids for a living, so that should tell you how annoying this child is.

I have come to the conclusion that I know just about nothing about raising a child. Everyone seems to think I am going to be this great mother, but I am not so sure myself. Yes, I know not to feed the kid lead paint and the the street is not the safest place to play, but other than that I am close to clueless. Thinking about it, all my experience comes from the last two years of my life for the most part. Ruben was the first (and only) diaper I have ever changed, and if you ask Jacob and Evann they would say that moment belongs on America's Funniest Home Videos because while they were watching me trying to keep my sweet baby nephew from eating... yeah well.... They were literally falling off the coach they were laughing so hard. And Aaron is the only baby that I have held before he could hold his head up on his own, and even now I am terrified to hold another baby that young.

I have concluded that I am going to make a ton of mistakes... No, more than a ton... An impossible number of mistakes that has no technical name because they have not ever counted that high... number of mistakes... And I am terrified. I had a cramp in my side today that nearly brought me to my knees, and my first thought was not "I hope my baby is all right!" It was "How much longer am I going to have to put up with this?" The baby is not even here, and I am already planning creative ways to punish him/her for all the pain that I am being caused.

I am down right selfish. I want my body back! It has only been 17 weeks, and I am already done! Well, not really though... October 7th can't come soon enough... That is when we get to find out if we are having Taggerd or Calliope. I can't wait for my little pain in the side to get here. I can't wait to see if he/she has my nose or Jared's beautiful blue eyes. I can't wait to meet the wonderful little person that will not only be partially me, but will also be Jared. I am looking forward to meeting him/her.

No one ever told me that I would be this scared or this excited, and at the same time. I have no idea who I will get to meet in a few short months, but I have never been so anxious for a day to get here than I am now.

Well, I have not been brief, and I have a paper to write and a apartment to pack, and I am going all mushy and hormonal I will save it for another time.

Baby's First Pictures

Today Jared and I went to my doctor's appointment. They set my due date for March 2, 2011, but Dr. Lamar said that it could be sooner because the baby looked a little curled up. He/she is my child, so it does not surprise me that he/she is all snuggled up just chilling... haha...

We also got to see and hear the heartbeat. It was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. At first when they showed us our little smudge, it was cool, but not that big of a deal, but when we heard and saw our baby's little heart beating, I cried. It was all so surreal before, but now I actually feel pregnant.



Here is our little smudge... Haha... The little yellow plus sign closer to the top of the black and white picture is the baby's head. The big red dot is the baby's heartbeat. So amazing!

Sick and tired... (quite literally)

So as I am sure all of you know, I am pregnant. Ryann said that I had to blog often so everyone would know what was going on. I will keep it short and sweet because I am supposed to be studying... :D I have my first baby doctor appointment on Monday, July 19 at 9:00. It is at Clinics of North Texas with Dr. Michael Lamar. It was kinda cool the way I found him. I had two friends at school recommend him within the same hour, so he sounded pretty good. He is also in my insurance network, so double bonus for Dr. Lamar. The people who recommended Dr. Lamar said he is really nice and personable. They also said that he explains everything without being condescending or making you feel like a moron. He sounded good to me so I decided to go with Dr. Lamar.

Aside from being extremely excited and happy, I am exhausted, and I get a good dose of morning sickness everyday. It is crazy to me that something the size of a grape could affect me so profoundly. I am excited about the end result, not the process. Nausea and vomiting accompanied by headaches are not fun. Katie and Ryann, I have to say you guys are my heroes right now because I have seen you bare your burden with a smile the whole time. When I am really feeling terrible, I think of you two and how you have had five rounds of this. You are both saints... Hopefully by the time school starts the morning sickness will go away. Well, I am back to studying. I will let y'all know more later.

Mom's New Look (Finally)

So I finally talked my mom into abandoning the 80's. The 80's were cruel to the looks of people. I have pictures of my bangs that looked like a football on my forehead and nasty curly perms. I luckily left those bad memories back in the 80's. My mom on the other hand kept that nasty perm. Finally after years of trying to bring her into the new era, she finally went for it and got a modern haircut and straightened out the perm... Here are some pictures. She doesn't even look like the same person...



Before (With the nasty perm)
















After, all straight and pretty!

Technology Distractions

Jared and I got our new computer on Thursday, and we got the internet at our house. Since Thursday evening, Jared and I am been taking turning wasting hours at a time on the thing. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my new computer, and I love the the convenience of having internet access at my home, but I think we are a little out of hand. Although, I will say that I got to finish Dean Koontz's Frankenstein: Prodigal Son while it was Jared's turn. It is amazing!!! Obviously I am not too upset by this technology distraction because I am on it right now while Jared is play the PlayStation 2. Now I will be able to blog all the time, but I won't so don't expect it...

Aside from the internet taking up half of our lives here lately, Jared has been reorganizing iTunes... We have 13.7 days worth of music, if you were to play it consecutively 24/7. That is a lot. I never thought I would be into the whole IPod thing, but today I officially filled mine up, and I am convinced I need a bigger one, but not really though. I love how when I get something, and I don't think I will use it, and it turns out I cannot live without it. That is what happened with the IPod. It is so convenientto have my 1200+ songs anywhere at any time. I high recommend getting one if you are considering it. It is so worth it. Especially those nostalgic trips down memory lane. Those are super fun...

So far my summer staycation has been nothing but a giant time waster, but I am all right with that. It is nice to do nothing but sleep, read, watch movies, play on the computer, and just be. I think it is wonderful that Jared and I are able to do that together. This is the first time since I was 14 that I have not had to work, and I am loving every moment of my laziness. Well I guess I will go back to playing my games... for hours upon hours...

The Ending of an Adventure

Friday marks the end of my first year of teaching, and I have to say it has been a wild ride. Well, the first semester, I was just a student teacher, but I did everything I do now, so I think it still gets to count. I remember the first day, back in August with my first real class of students, and then getting to feel the same way again back in January when I took over for a teacher who got promoted. I was so nervous. I was afraid that I would fail my students in some way, and in turn fail myself. I remember worrying that I would do a bad job and that my students would hate me.

Here I am days away from the end of the school year, and I think overall that it was a great year. As most of you know I have been teaching TAKS English juniors. All the kids, except one, in my classes did not pass their TAKS test last year, and it was a concern that they may not pass this year. The eleventh grade test decides if they get to graduate or not. I had one student who had not passed it since she was in the third grade, so this test can be a big deal. We really worked this semester to get those kids where they needed to be. I felt so proud when we got the scores, and I saw how well they did. I got to tell the girl who had not passed since the third grade that she passed the one that counted. I gave her a big hug, and she started crying... It was so emotional for me and her. I am so proud!

Earlier in the year, one of my students asked me if I had any kids, and I told him no. I quickly changed my mind, and I told him that I have about 30 16,17-year-old babies. He jokingly calls me mom now because of it.

I definitely think this year was a success. Reflecting back, and learning a ton, I know I am where I am supposed to be, and I could not imagine doing anything else. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones who was able to find my calling in life early on. I have known that I was destined to be a teacher since the third grade. Now at twenty-three, I am living my dream. It is crazy to think that I am really that lucky.

I have a wonderful husband, who is the best friend I could ever ask for, and I am the "proud momma" of 30 of the most wonderful kids I know... What more could I ask for?

It matters

Life has been kind of hectic here lately, and I have felt so swamped. I have a big research paper due on Tuesday; the following Tuesday I have a presentation that I have to give; I had a paper due on Wednesday; I had 12 questions over one the the most boring books I have ever had to read on Tuesday.(I do not recommend Virginia Wolfe's Mrs. Dalloway); Finals are coming up... Just one thing after another, or so it seems. I was supposed to go visiting teaching on Thursday, but since I was feeling so swamped, I told Jared that I was just going to call and cancel because it was just too much for me right now.

On the way to class on Tuesday night, I realized that I had a voicemail, and it was from one of the sisters on my route. I had written her a letter last month because I did not have time to go visit her in person. She is the only member in her family, and she is getting married and sealed in June to a member who lives in Utah. She is facing all sorts of problems with moving and preparing. She is a single mother of two kids; she works; she is graduating in May from MSU; she has her plate full, needless to say. She is also getting no support from her family either. In fact, they are creating more problems for her.

I really like going visiting teaching. I will say that I am not ever excited about the preparation that it takes to actually get to visit teach: the calling, scheduling, the reading (not that it is a lot)and all the rest of that mess. It is just kind of hard to coordinate everything, and it always seems to come at a time when I just don't feel like doing it, but when I go, I always come home happy and glad that I went. Anyways to the point...

The message that was left on my voicemail was so sweet. The sister, with tears and gratitude in her voice, told me how my letter came at just the right time, and that my words had touched her and helped her. She told me about all that she was going through and how getting a letter that was just for her meant so much to her.

I have to say that most times when I go visiting teaching or write a letter to one of the sisters that I visit, I feel like that it is all just a nice gesture. I feel like I don't really do a whole lot of good. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to offer because I have not been a member that long, and the people that I visit teach have been members for years and years. But this sister let me know that what I did for her mattered.

After hearing the message, I texted Jared and told him that I had changed my mind. Yesterday, I got to go visiting teaching, and both the sisters that we got to see thanked us so much for taking our time to come see them. One of those sisters was the woman who left me that message on my phone. We just helped her pack because she has to have her house ready to sell by next week. She was so grateful for our help, and while we were packing she told me again how much my letter meant to her. She told me that she had read it to her fiance', and she said she cried through the whole letter with him.

The whole point to my long lengthy story is that the things that we do matter, even when we do not think so.